My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
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I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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