they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
