she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
