dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
