Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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