I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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