Don't you send me to vm
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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