There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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