I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
