yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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