omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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