fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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