Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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