it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
