can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
