what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
