just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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