You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
