haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
