dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
