Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
