At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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