Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
