You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
