Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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