I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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