I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
