Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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