He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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