then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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