I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
