Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
