alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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