i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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