Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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