I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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