two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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