I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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