this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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