I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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