once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
