what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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