If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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