We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
