The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
