Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
