It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
