Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
