I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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