my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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