it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
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i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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