when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
