I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
