You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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