So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
