Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
