i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
