i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
