I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
