Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
