Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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