How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
