she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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