Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
