dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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