'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
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he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
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You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.