dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
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I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
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he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.