do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.