: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
barbara walters just said penis...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.