That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
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Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.