Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.