When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
