thus making me awesome and them whores
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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