I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
