Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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