I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
