Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
