It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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