Who wears a wallet chain?!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
